Hermosa Love & Hate.

Why am I writing an entry here? Read.

If someone were to put together a tutorial about letting go, I’d be the Subject Matter Expert. Not a professional or a doctor, but me. I know how to do it; I know how to let go. I’ve been through it; I’ve experienced it. I am good at it. 

I grieve appropriately for people, but don’t live in the past. For example, I can share laughs and memories about my parents and cry about them when I’m alone. But I don’t obsess over what could have been; I have my regrets, or course. Reminiscing is more productive than dwelling. 

When it comes to relationships, I’ve let go of people I still loved who were not good for me. I knew their toxicity meant they were not the one. This applies to friends as well. 

And jobs. When that natural shift comes and it has been time for the next step, I have never been one to stay at a place that does not help me grow. 

I also closed this blog when the time was appropriate. Because, after all, who can have a blog that features a place where the author does not live?

As my two-week visit home comes to a close, I find myself writing in this blog again, 11 months after I closed it.

I realized that I have been waiting for this moment that I knew I’d soon be moving home once again. While I am happy to be going back to DC to see my friends, I have also never been sadder to leave Cali. 

If I’m being very honest, I don’t know how to explain this whole thing to my friends in DC. I love them. I love DC. I will miss them, and all of it. I am afraid they will feel as if they are not enough, that my lack of full happiness there has something to do with them. That’s completely untrue. They are the ones who created my DC happiness for two years. They have no idea how much they have taught me and saved me. 

My relationship with the South Bay, however, never really ended. I left it for a hot minute, maybe even criticized it once or twice. I recall once saying that I’d never want to leave DC. Maybe part of my heart will always be in DC, but who am I kidding?

The South Bay annoys me at times.

I hate how some people get stuck.

I love the people playing volley ball on the beach in the middle of the day.

I hate the drunk idiots on Pier Avenue on a Saturday night.

But why do I know about those drunk idiots? Because I continue to go there. 

Love. Hate. It’s the same. Think about it. Every form of hate stems from love.

And I am still in love with The South Bay. Two years. Many experiences. A great deal of traveling. The same love. 

Maybe as a reader, you’ve all grown out of this blog. It’s been more than to years since I’ve lived Hermosa.

If you haven’t, then stay tuned. It’s coming back soon. And thank you for being patient with me. 

A new perspective; a shift from the girl who never left home and was financially dependent on her mother to the financially independent, soon to be married woman. She moved away. She tried it, she liked it, she grew. 

Now it’s time to write from that grown perspective. 

P.S: I’ve missed you! 

Moving on from Sangria. From this Blog.

Sangria closed the other day, and I had no idea.

Considering that this whole blog was started because of Sangria, as you can tell by my very first post, me having no idea about such a milestone event is a huge problem. It is also a huge catalyst in me realizing that it is time to move on.

When I first started this blog in 2009, my life revolved around The South Bay. I was in grad school at the University of Southern California. I lived with my mom and dogs in a huge house in Redondo Beach with the best ocean view in the city. I spent most nights at Sangria. Week days for a glass of wine and some small talk with the employees, also my best friends, my family. Weekends were for dancing the night away. Short skirts, high heels, and my signature drink that Triana (Everyone’s Favorite Bartender, as she was coined in this blog) made for me the night I claimed “I want drunk!” Boys, birthdays, holidays, parties, funerals. Kisses, crying, smoking, laughing. I did it all. It was truly my other home. I wrote stories like these because they were true. Because they were important to me. Because I felt them in my heart.

As much as I have matured from those times, there will always be a part of me that misses it. I had a break from tragedy in the midst of a life that’s unfortunately been filled with loss. I had time to obsess about stupid DJs who didn’t love me, or did love me. I had time to fabricate things, and make weird connections between the fact that I was at Sangria and someone I wanted had walked in, when in reality, when you spend enough time in a place, it’s inevitable that you’ll see someone you know.

I might still be writing about Sangria if I hadn’t met Matt. My first post about him was on December 18 2009. We has barely known one another three weeks, and I was completely in love with him already. I still get butterflies thinking about it. He totally still gives me butterflies. If not for Matt, I would not be living in Northern Virginia. I would not be so content. I would not have my job. I would not know so much of what I do now. Sometimes he frustrates me because he challenges me, but that’s also what makes him my perfect match.

I moved away from Paradise 1 year and 3 months ago. I probably should have stopped writing about Hermosa back then. But, I wasn’t ready to let go. And when I was ready to let go, my mom died. And then, I really wanted to let go because I wanted to be away from anything that reminded me too much of her, but I was too paralyzed to start a different kind of blog. And my computer crashed. And then work got in the way. And Matt came home from a deployment. He bought me a new Mac Book so I’d stop slacking and continue with my writing.

Tonight I stopped making excuses and went ahead with this blog post. I could keep going forever, and ever, and ever. I love Hermosa. I will miss Sangria. And the South Bay will always be my home.

Matt and I will move back there in a few years, and maybe I will start this blog again, in a different light and with a more mature, older twist.

With sad endings come new beginnings. I have begun a new blog that gives me the chance to write as a “veteran griever.” Sometimes you don’t want to be good at certain things, like grieving. But, when life gives me tragedy, I make story. 

I wish that Sangria could have stayed around forever. It was more than just a bar. But, I have no doubt that my friends in LA will find our next Sangria. And when I move back home, it will be just as comfortable, as if I never left.

RIP Sangria. Only the ones that experienced it truly understand the plethora of memories that happened between those walls.

I am happy that this blog captured some of it.

With the closing of Sangria, I will also be closing this project. I hope you all will follow my next blog once I post the link.

Thank you for 28 months of reading. When the time is appropriate, I look forward to this blog existing once again.